The Fear of Not Mattering

So at church this Sunday I'm going to be preaching on the fear of not mattering. It's youth Sunday, which is why I'm going to be giving the message.

I'm writing this here, because I thought it was a good way to get my thoughts out in a non-stressful way. And if you have any thoughts, comments, suggestions for me, I welcome them.

I don't think that I'm done yet, with this, but anything else I write will be more than mush at this point. :) I hope it blesses you, wherever you are in your walk with Christ.

The scripture that is supposed to be my jumping off point is Matthew 10:29. "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father." Great verse. It's one of the nuggets of peace and comfort that Jesus gives to his disciples in the middle of a somewhat scary message about being persecuted and arrested when they are doing the will of the Father. That whole passage hits home. So here is a good chunk of it. 

Matt. 10:17-42

17 "Be on your guard against men; they will hand you over to the local councils and flog you in their synagogues. 18 On my account you will be brought before governors and kings as witnesses to them and to the Gentiles. 19 But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, 20 for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.

21"Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child; children will rebel against their parents and have them put to death. 22 All men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved. 23 When you are persecuted in one place, flee to another. I tell you the truth, you will not finish going through the cities of Israel before the Son of Man comes.

24 "A student is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master. 25 It is enough for the student to be like his teacher, and the servant like his master. If the head of the house has been called Beelzebub, how much more the members of his household!

26 "So do not be afraid of them. There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. 27 Wheat I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs. 28 Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. 29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. 30 And even the very hairs of your heard are all numbered. 31 So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

32 "Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven. 33 But whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in heaven.

34 "Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. 35 For I have come to turn 'a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law 36 a man's enemies will be the members of his own household.'

37 "Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; 38 and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39 Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find. it.

40 "He who receives you receives me, and he who receives me receives the one who sent me. 41 Anyone who receives a prophet because he is a prophet will receive a prophet's reward, and anyone who receives a righteous man because he is a righteous man will receive a righteous man's reward. 42 And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward."

So my thoughts are kind of scattered right now, thinking about this passage and then thinking about the topic and wondering where do I head here. and where does the Lord want me go with this message. and I think about how I have one Sunday a year to share my thoughts on Scripture with the whole congregation and how I need to use my time with them wisely, and then I think some more about  how many messages I've listened to over the last 27 years of my life and I can remember about 2 of them, and really I just remember what I got out of them, not the actually sermon itself, so it doesn't matter really what I say on this ONE occasion, so long as it is God's word, and how I need to take myself out of the equation, because I honestly think about myself too often.

I guess one of the things that stands out to me, in the line of thinking about mattering, is that God WANTS us to be out and about His business. And if I were someone who entrusted things or jobs to those who were mine to be in charge of, I'd really have to think that they were worth entrusting a job to. Isn't that what we run into when we apply for a job? The people hiring us have to think that we are capable of doing or learning the job we're applying for. Well, what Jesus is telling his disciples is to head out and DO - don't worry about the things that don't matter so much, like food and clothing. That stuff is just that, "stuff". I know you need it, and you'll be provided for. Oh, and by the way, when crappy stuff happens to you, don't worry about that either, cause the right words will come out of your mouth straight from the Father's Spirit. I realize that you don't know just how detail oriented I AM, but to give you a hint; remember that sale on sparrows for sacrifice? Two for a penny? Uh-huh, that's the one, well, not even those sparrows lives go unnoticed by me. Not one escapes my attention, and many are sacrificed because there are a lot of poor people that need cleansing. Don't you worry, sweetheart, you are worth more than MANY sparrows. 

It's amazing how many times The Lord tells us to not be afraid in His word. I believe it's something like 356 times. And the word tells us about how much God loves us, and how He is a jealous God. How can we even think once that we DON'T matter to God?!? 

So here is the answer to that: SIN. The evil one is always trying to cast doubt and fear into our lives. I think that is why we see 'faith in God' constantly doing battle with 'fear of everything & anything.' Think about it. We're afraid of all kinds of sinking ships, like losing jobs, always being alone, being inadequate & under-qualified, being abused, taking risks, the list is endless. Heck, we can be afraid of the smallest of smalls - like spiders or moths. We're even afraid of good things, because maybe they'll hurt us, like falling in love, telling someone the truth, doing the right thing at work regardless of the outcome. God's word - Jesus Christ - tells us to NOT BE AFRAID of those who can kill the body but cannot kill the soul. It's important to acknowledge that the things we are afraid of can and will happen. But, God is not blind to your situation -no- He is in the midst of it. Providing you with words to speak, wisdom to flee a bad situation, giving you courage to stand firm because of what He has done for you. God did not provide a way of salvation through Jesus Christ to leave us abandoned when we need His presence and strength the most. That's illogical. If I believed that when I'm in the worst of  situations God wouldn't be with me, I wouldn't be a Christian. 

We can read in the 23rd psalm that 'even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for you are with me;' 

We are living in hard economic times, but I want to encourage you to not despair. And if you are despairing of your current situation - cry out to God about it. Cling to your Bible that much more. Let the Lord whisper in your ear His truths about His love and concern for you and your family. I promise you that if you ask the Lord to reveal Himself to you, He will. He'll do it through His word, He'll do it when you are shopping at Wal-Mart or Dillon's or driving home from work, He'll speak through an unsuspecting co-worker or neighbor, He'll bring some Scripture to mind that you learned as a child. There's nothing else like hearing the Lord speak into your life. Sometimes what He reveals is something about yourself you need to change with His help, other times He asks us to move in faith to pray with someone who needs it more than us, and sometimes it comes in words of love and comfort and peace, telling us once more, "don't be afraid, I'm with you every moment." 

shopping at Wal-Mart with teenagers

I had a fun evening tonight. I picked up 4 youth and we went shopping at Wal-Mart for food stuffs for our Seder meal that is fast approaching. I've been reading (within the last 6 months) a book on youth ministry and one of the suggestions was to incorporate youth into your daily activities when you could. It would probably take you more time to do your errands, but it would be meaningful to the youth accompanying you and give them some one-on-one time with you that you wouldn't normally have. Well, I haven't tried that, per-say, with my personal grocery shopping, but I figured it might be good to have their help and participation with the dinner that they are "putting on." It DID take longer with them, BUT the shopping got done because it was planned that we would do it as a small group tonight (which means that tired Jean on Sunday couldn't procrastinate and put it off until Wednesday when she's freaking out), and the youth had fun hanging out together and getting the food put together. 

I really had a big light bulb come on tonight about including them more in what we needed to accomplish. It wasn't me accomplishing something for them or making sure that it got done for them, but it was me mobilizing them to accomplish something for us, as a group. And that felt so good and it is kind of liberating. I really need to do this more often and maybe then they'll catch on to being more of a youth group that wants to do things together, including studying God's word together on Wednesday nights and on their own throughout the week.

One day at a time. Praise the Lord that He's moving me forward. I've needed a breakthrough. Maybe I'm starting to get it, just a little.

Guitars, my second love

Today is guitar recital day! I unbelievably have 18 students performing tonight on a "supposed to be" shorter concert. I think that it will last about an hour and a half tonight. That's a lot of music. 

I was thinking earlier this week as I was getting frustrated with the order of the songs (I finished the last edition last night at 12:30 am) and remembered the very first recital that I held for my students back in Idaho. There were 4 students that played (so cute) and the concert lasted 10 minutes at the most. That was embarrassing to me, but it was good for the kids and they were so proud of themselves and I was so proud of them for doing such a great job. I guess it was fun, too, for me because I actually taught them how to do what they did. It's so fun to see young people learn and enjoy learning. Yep, that's why I'm in this biz.

Better go, my  brownies are hopefully not burned. :)

Amazing Things

(youth group at Acquire the Fire)

Wow! So it's been a long time since I've posted anything. Didn't mean to keep it all to myself!

The last month has been super-ooper busy, but I've been getting through (especially with the blessing of girl scout cookies.....).

Acquire the Fire was awesome. (Youth rally in Kansas City) We woke up to snow (after sleeping for 5 hours on the church floor). It was beautiful, but intense to drive through all the slush. I was driving the 15 passenger van with the entire senior high group and a youth mom was following with her mini-van. I slid through a red light on the way to the big arena Saturday morning. 

The small lesson with no casualties was a blessing in disguise because the freeway driving was a lot worse. But God got us up the hill safely (I was praying out loud the entire time!) and we made it to the arena all in one piece. Walkie-talkies are wonderful inventions and I highly recommend them to anyone traveling. They are better than cell phones because you can 

have short instructions or give short instructions without needing to hold it to your ear for a response. Very smart.

The speakers were amazing. The music was 

wonderful. (unhindered is annointed!!) 

and the kids had powerful messages presented to

 them in ways that I think hit home to them.

(2nd pic of the church we stayed at and the beautiful snow we got to drive in)

(3rd pic: cold youth after eating lunch in the van)

More mission fundraising coming up. I am learning SO much this year! I've never done fundraising before (that I can remember) and I've certainly not spearheaded any of it before now. The youth are having a great time filming themselves doing wacky things and interviewing people and other random things. (Attention, I think, they love attention) But eventually I think they'll figure out that it's not about them, but about others.

I'm meeting with a youth once a week now. It's interesting being in the other chair. I've yet to see how well it will all go, but we've met up twice now, and she's really seemed refreshed when we've been done talking. So long as I stay in step with the Spirit and rely upon Him to hold me up, I'm confident that our conversations will honor God. 

This morning, I gave a chapel to a group of young believers at a Christian high school. 

Tyler, Terry, Katelin, Amber, Kenzie, Chelsie, Nicki, Ben, Chris, Ryan, Tika, Carrie, Richard, Emily, Martha, and Rachel. With much laughter and wrong names, I finally got all of them right by the end of the hour. What great kids. I shared some stories with them that I never thought that I'd share, let alone use in a sermonette. Some were old (3rd grade) and some were pretty recent, but I think that the septic tank image is what will really stick in their brains. It is starting to amaze me just what I'm able to say now to youth. I guess that I'm so extreme in my desire to leave them with a lasting impression of what Christ does for us, anything that would do that that makes sense, I say out loud. (maybe the whole plunger idea has permeated my thinking....)

(picture of our youth group's "Plunger Art". We painted with plungers. It rocked!)

I've been teaching about sexual and spiritual purity this month to my youth group and haven't had large crowds for it, but the kids there are getting good input and are making sense of it, so I chalk it up to experience and I'm learning how to teach about it and the guinea pigs there are learning how to listen to me (some are so patient!) while I figure it out, so, all is good there.

Spring break is upon me and my community so there is an air of refreshment stirring, and I'm enjoying it's breeze right now as I write with the freedom of my remaining day off.

:)

Plungers and more

Here are some pictures of the successful plunger fundraiser that my youth group and I made together. I think that the kids had a good time and are enjoying the process of getting ready for this summer's adventure.

All I wanted for Valentine's Day was a bouquet of plungers! Those boys are too sweet.

A plunger picture is worth a thousand words.... Junior high boys are amazing..... Beware if they get a hold of a plunger!   :)

I made a bunch of videos for promoting our plunger sales. They are a riot. There really are a bunch of different ways that you can use a plunger! The congregation for the last two weeks has been assembling there own ideas for plunger uses. It's been so much fun seeing them participate with us and getting involved in having fun with the weird and crazy thing we're doing! 

The fundraiser was a big hit, too. We raised almost half of what we need for the mission trip!

The Lord has been and continues to be faithful to us in the youth group. 

Ups and Downs and Ups

Wow. I have had a full week. I'm leaving in the morning to fly to Seattle, WA to see my grandmother who has been in the hospital since Monday. She has been battling so many things from renal failure to pneumonia to heart attacks to sepsis in the blood to through the roof potassium levels which basically disconnected her ability to communicate, among other things.

I thought that she was going to die tonight. After a lot of prayers from countless people, I got a call late tonight from my mom that the doctors said that 'her death is not imminent'. What a relief. My parents are driving through an Idahoan snowstorm right now as I type trying to get to Washington, and all I could do was pray that they got there in time to say good-bye without the hope that I would arrived tomorrow before her passing. So now, again, I have some hope of her recovery. I desperately want her to get well again. I know that all will be well, whether or not she does, but there's so much more I want to talk with her about, to learn about from her, and just want more special moments with her. (how selfish of me. I treasure the moments and memories I have of the times spent with her. In fact I have been remembering all kinds of wonderful times that we've spent together. I can't remember every word spoken, but the kindness and the love are there. And that is what is important to me. I've always been more emotionally affected so my memories are less detailed, I think.)

I am so thankful for my church and my guitar students for their flexibility and support. and I am so thankful that I no longer work for wal-mart, because I would not be flying to see Nana in the morning if I still was there. God is faithful, all-powerful, Jehovah Jireh, my provider in all things, at all times, and every time.

The plunger project for my youth group's mission trip to Crownpoint, New Mexico! The youth sanded the plunger's handle at the new year's party (without really knowing why...). They did a great job at sanding them, too. The handles were very soft and smooth and fairly easy to wood burn.

          Here is the front and the back of the handle, attached to the plunger head.

I think the kids will have fun assembling these. I did, so if they don't I guess I can have fun assembling the plungers! :)

Missions Trips and the planning......

So I'm taking the youth of my church on a mission trip to Crownpoint, New Mexico! I have 4 adults committed to going with us and have to get the actual youths to sign up yet. I have been writing letters furiously, planning information breakfasts and trying to think of creative fundraisers to help get us there and back again.
I have never actually been on a missions trip before, let alone plan one for a group, but we're going through a mission trip organization, so at least I don't have to plan the actual mission itself. Whew!! I'm super excited about going. We'll be working on the homes of elderly people on a Navajo Reservation there, fixing things and installing running water and bathroom facilities! It sounds like an exciting challenge to me, and I think that the youth are going to be able to learn a lot through the whole process as well as be able to give a lot of themselves to these needful people.
So here is my best effort at being creative. If it works, I'll post a picture of what I manage to do.
Since we're going to be doing plumbing projects, I bought a couple of new plungers (the cheap red kind) and I'm planning on sanding the handle so that it is super smooth, then burning some words into it (like: St. Luke Youth Missions 2008) and then staining it with polyurethane to make it shiny. Then, if it works, I'll have the youth make these and sell them to people in the congregation and elsewhere as a fundraiser for our trip!
The missions organization is sending me a booklet of other ideas so hopefully we don't have to rely upon my crazy schemes.........
:) Here's to the plunger project! Cheers!

This is Marty Guild, my newest child, just kidding! I named it Marty, after all. I just liked the name. She has a beautiful rich and bright sound with deep low tones. Mmmmm. So nice! (the guitar in the background is not mine, I took this picture at the music store...)

One of these days I'll figure out how to post videos and I'll play something with Marty.

Merry Christmas!

My last month at Wal-Mart

I have been working at Wal-Mart for 4 years and 3 months almost to the day. I have worked from 11 pm to 7:30 am the entire time with the exception of the one week that I tried to work there during the day shift - that was such a drastic mistake I have never tried to do it again!

I have been blessed with that job and the and the friends that I have made. The people that I work with are some of the dearest people on the planet. They have beautiful flaws that I appreciate, and I'm so glad that they have endured my own. I will miss them quite a lot. It's hard to believe how much care a group of people can have for each other, and I'm so glad to have known that care from them and to have given back to them with that same commitment. 

After all this time there, I am ending my employment. My last day will be around the 15th of January. I am very sad to leave and I'm also excited to be leaving. I am not sure where else the Lord will be leading me, especially financially..., but I am trusting in Him to supply all of my needs. 

Isaiah 14:27

For the LORD Almighty has purposed,
and who can thwart him?
His hand is stretched out,
and who can turn it back?

I'm loving the bits of Isaiah that make sense to me. It's like anywhere else in the Bible, really, when you're reading and then suddenly, SNAP, understanding hits you or an idea just clicks in your brain. This verse is such a strong verse that it did that to me. Here are the thoughts that I have on it.

The LORD Almighty purposes to do something. It may be something we see as good, it may be something we see as bad. It may be something we can't understand. But since we serve a perfect God and He is good, he can't be bad. Here's the cool thing. The LORD GOD Almighty is ALL-MIGHTY. Nothing can change or stop what He intends to do.

Destruction we may look at with terror (as we should) but it is for the glory of GOD. If He is wiping out the Amalakites or the Philistines or some other nation of idolatry and wickedness it is to demonstrate how HOLY HE IS. And we should tremble at knowing how powerful and wonderful His destruction is. If He hates evil so much that He will make a nation extinct (with no one to stop Him) then we who have been saved from His own destruction by His grace (with no one to stop Him - praise the LORD) should be spurred on even more to live holy and blameless lives to honor Him. And if His destruction is so complete, then we should know from this example that the destruction of the evil in us will be completed in us as well before we enter His presence in heaven. It is through Jesus Christ's sacrifice that the LORD Almighty views us now, and through Jesus we are able to approach the throne of GOD in prayer, praise, and petition.

I am so glad that there is none to thwart the LORD and that none can turn back the hand of the LORD. If there were such a being, then we would be lost. Our hope of salvation would be gone. But since the Lord is Almighty, perfect, holy, blameless, and glorious, we can be assured that the grace that He gives through Jesus Christ, is rock solid. None can thwart the salvation of the LORD, no one can turn back the hand of grace extended to those who choose to accept it.

The last thing on my mind about this verse is that the power of God is overwhelming. His strength and love are unmovable, unchangable and all-powerful. He conquers death.

Breakthrough and high school music

Okay, so first off God is so awesome! Second....God is so awesome!

I was able to really spend some time alone with Him today, preparing my heart for Wednesday's funeral and praising Him for whatever He has in mind. I am thankful that I don't know why these kids lost their dad and why a wonderful woman lost her husband. I know that I couldn't handle the information and it lets me off the hook for explaining the reasons to everyone. God has a perfect plan and I'm deciding to trust that plan, cause He knows best. I'ma just gonna follow His lead and obey the direction He gives me. Thanks, ladies for your prayers, I've needed them. This ministry gig has been overwhelming so far, and the second I think I've gotten a handle on things, in walks the next big dilemma and spiritual battle that goes with it. I've been fighting depression more than I'd like to admit this year. The mood swings of teenagers are absolutely monstrous. (My parents had it easy let me tell you!) ;)

Speaking of teenagers..... I attended the high school orchestra and choir concert this evening. I was pretty impressed with their performances! It amazed me though that once the orchestra was finished performing, they left and so did their audience! I really felt bad for the choirs (who rocked, by the way) who performed for half of an audience because they were the second half of the concert....... Well, the string people missed out on good music and a comical moment when one of the girls lost her shoe under the riser as she was walking on stage. She didn't fall, thankfully. She then grabbed her shoe and kept walking! What else could she do?

It was an interesting experience for me. Memories flooded back of my choir days, and I miss them, somewhat. I liked watching the different personalities of the choir girls and guys. That was fun to see and think about. It must be a challenge to be a high school teacher. To all you teachers, I appreciate what you do and what you deal with every day! 

Down and overwhelmed with stuff

I think that I can't write what I'm feeling right now. It's a mix of happy and depressed and tired and bewildered and dread. Who has an adjective for that! I have to wake early to be at an orthodontist appointment tomorrow and I really don't want to have my mouth hurting me for a week, this week. Oh well. I'm  such a whiner tonight. It boils down to my disappointment at not being able to talk to a close friend tonight who I've been wanting to talk with for months, had a set time to talk and because some people weren't on time to pick up kids I wasn't able to talk. So the conversation is postponed yet again. I'm sure that there's a reason for it all, but I'm pretty disappointed. I really want a hug. I wish I could retreat somewhere where there are people that I trust and can relax with. O sweet fellowship that I desperately long for.

The funeral service is set for Wednesday morning and I'll probably be singing or playing guitar or something for it. I just hope that I don't lose it, cause I know that the people I'm close to that will be there will be crying a lot. 

There. Hopefully I'll have a funny blog tomorrow. I'm going to read some Psalms and put myself to bed.

Life has some saddenings....

Two of the kids in my youth group lost their dad on Saturday. I knew him personally. He was a funny man with a strong personality. He'd respond to the pastor in the middle of the sermon sometimes with a great one-liner and the whole congregation would erupt in laughter. I will miss him. 

Even in hard times, though, some good is coming or is in process. I've been able to support and love on those kids and their family. I hope and pray for the strength needed to minister to them through the holiday and the upcoming year which I know will be difficult for them. Hopefully they will be encouraged with my company and prayers.

Beautiful Guitar needs a name!

Yesterday I purchased my 6th guitar. Yes, my 6th. I am donating one of my older guitars to my sister, who technically owns part of it anyway. I no longer play it because it hurts my left wrist too much, so it has been hanging out at my house for no other purpose than to collect dust on the protective case. :( How sad for Ruby, she really needs someone to play 'her' now and then.

My new guitar is an acoustic, steel-string Guild, and is a beautiful sunburst brown with maple edges and rosewood back and sides. I'm looking for an appropriate name to give it. I've had suggestions from my students today: Caramel Mocha, Smoky, and I came up with Marty, with no real reason behind it. I can hardly put it down. It's a lot of fun to play and it stays in tune, which is a definite plus! :) I'll take some pictures of it sometime soon.
I hope to do some recording with it this year, and make some progress on the worship album I've been longing to record. Hmmmm......perhaps I should give it a Biblical name for inspiration.....
It's a thought, anyway!

Jacob and Jean

I thought that I'd explain the address of my blog. Jacob and Jean's refuge refers to Isaiah 27:5-6 where God is delivering Israel and God declares that He is a refuge to those who would make peace with Him. "Jacob" refers to the people of God and He is their refuge. Since God is also MY refuge, I share with Jacob when I'm in the presence of God! I am so thankful that I have a place to go when I am lonely, afraid, worried, confused, and otherwise incompetent. The LORD is a strong tower, and in Him I put my trust no matter what the weather.